Doing Time

Sometimes mindfulness meditation feels pleasurable, we enter into deep states of stillness or we encounter body sensations of peace and a sense of groundedness. Other times it feels very difficult, encountering anxiety, restlessness, sadness, frustration, anger/rage, or any other type of intense sensory experience that can be accompanied by compelling and painful thoughts. At these times we are essentially, as one of my teachers puts it, ‘punching the time card.’ We are doing our time on the cushion and trying the best we can stay with our object of meditation whether that might be the breath, mantra, body sensations, etc. It is important not to be too hard on yourself and to just do the practice. We may feel we will never have a ‘good meditation’ again. Usually this means a quiet or peaceful state. In my opinion the ‘good’ meditation is the one we do. The only ‘bad’ meditation is the one we don’t do. So it is important to persist here and attempt to stay with the object of the meditation and sit or practice (if you are doing an alternative practice) for the time we have committed to. Over time and with practice this difficulty will arise and pass away and we will be more familiar with our own experience. We may feel that nothing is happening as we practice and find ourselves swept up in thought or emotion/sensation. There is a very subtle process at work here that will allow us to become more concentrated and centered as we simply allow ourselves to sit engage with our experience with an unconditional attitude of acceptance. Don’t just take my word for it, check this out and ‘do your time’ on the cushion or with whatever practice you have chosen. Whether it is for 5, 10, 20, 45 minutes - stay with a regular practice over time and see what you notice….

Regard All Dharmas as Dreams

In the Tibetan Lojong practice there is a slogan that I am particularly fond of it is just this:

Regard All Dharmas as Dreams

Dharma loosely translated can mean life lessons, or life path, or even ‘the truth.’ In this case it is often translated as meaning simply, life and the life events that occur for us. Regard these as a dream an, illusion, perhaps even death as a dream, lacking real substance. How do we adjust our values now, if we let go of the solidity and seriousness ‘our life?’

For me this statement adjusts my priorities - a view that includes the highest values being compassion in relationship and connection to my ’self’ and other beings, and acting in a way that reduces harm and suffering for all beings.

This slogan also begs the question: What is not illusory if this life is?

Mindfulness Meditation Class in Boulder, CO

For those of you who are local I will be offering an introductory class on Mindfulness Meditation. This class will meet on Mondays for 6 weeks starting 4/28/08 from 5:30pm-6:45pm in Boulder, CO. This class will focus on developing core mindfulness skills, cultivating relaxation and stress relief, and be a great jumping off place for creating a home practice. For more information, see below. You may register by emailing me at David_Robbins@comcast.net or calling me at 303.225.2700. More info is also available on my website here.

Be Well,

David

Mindfulness Meditation for Relaxation and Stress Relief

Instructor: David Robbins, MA

Location: 2760 29th St., Suite 2C, Boulder, CO 80301

Ph: 303-225-2700
Email: david_robbins@comcast.net
Website: www.davidrobbins.org

Cost: $60 per person ($10/class)

Time: Mondays (6 weeks)
April 28 – June 9
5:30-6:45pm

Please contact David Robbins to register for the class (see contact info above.)

Course Description: The goal of this class is to teach basic skills to promote a stronger connection to one’s self and one’s present experience through guided mindfulness meditations centered on body, breath and the linking of the two. These mindfulness practices will include body scan, mindful breathing, Lovingkindness, and sitting mindfulness practice. Students will learn simple and powerful techniques, in a safe environment, that they can incorporate into a personal mindfulness meditation practice. Mindfulness meditation promotes relaxation and stress reduction, a better relationship with one’s body, increased concentration and attention, better memory, reduction of anxiety, and an overall sense of well-being.

Mindfulness meditation (or Vipassana) is originally derived from the Theravada lineage of Buddhism. It can be learned and utilized as a beneficial practice by followers of any (or no) religion. The practice will be offered to students as a secular practice. This is a beginning meditation class, no previous experience is necessary for this class.

Mindfulness Meditation: Paying attention to one’s experience, in the present moment, with a gentle, unconditional attitude of acceptance.

• Attention – focusing on our experience in the present moment
• Awareness – noticing where your attention is
• Attitude – gentleness, patience, acceptance

We will learn how to engage with our present moment experience through progressively learning mindfulness practices that include: sitting meditation – breath focus, body focus, body scan/awareness, Lovingkindness (Metta) practice We will spend most of the class actively engaged in learning and practicing various methods of mindfulness meditation with a period of discussion at the end of class for questions and reflection.

*Please bring a blanket or yoga mat to the class. Chairs will be provided. If you wish to sit on the floor please bring your own meditation cushion/bench, etc.

Flow

My teacher Shinzen Young offers a descriptive term for the qualities of undulatory energy that I talked about in my post entitled ‘Lifeforce Energy.’ He labels that kind of energy ‘Flow.’ Flow is a product of impermanence, in other words it is the process of phenonema moving and breaking up in the body-mind, and our experience of flow is the direct contacting of that constant change. This change is occurring whether or no we are paying attention to it, though our conscious awareness of flow can cause it to deepen and expand, or contract in our experience. The energy may expand and contract at the same time, or suddenly vanish. These movements in all sensory domains, when contacted with our mindful awareness are the heart of creation, the force from which life is infused with energy…Shinzen calls it the Great Unborn, taking those words from his teacher Sasaki Roshi.

Flow is an interesting experience to work with in our practice. I find that flow in the body is easiest to contact, though it can occur in our visual and auditory thought spaces (Image/Talk) and also in our emotional and physical body sensations (Feel/Touch). I’ve talked about these sensory spaces in more depth in other posts.

Flow is impermanence in action. We notice that as we pay attention to a phenomena, say thougths for instance, they do not remain stagnant, but instead change over time, maybe each minute, second, nanosecond…we start off thinking about ice cream and end up circulating through thoughts about how our ex broke up with us at an ice cream shop, and then begin to catalog our terrible memories of that person. A few minutes later we might be ruminating on the pain of being single, or the pain of being in relationship. One things leads to another and as the popular saying goes ‘the only thing we can count on is change.’

Whether it is the flowing energy in our physical body, pulsation of emotional energy in the emotional body, a flow of thoughts or a persistant physical pain all these phenomena have a certain dynamic energy that we can pay attention to and witness….Impermanence doesn’t have to be an abstract concept it is occurring every moment in our experience. If you become of aware of this flow of experience in any of the sensory domains pay deep attention to it an soak your awareness in. Even our experience as a human follows these same laws of impermanence.

One experience flows into the next until we cease to exist. Humans like all other phenomena have a beginning a middle and an end. In light of this awareness of our own impermanence and the impermanence of experience we realize how precious the present is and how unique each moment is. We can strive to experience fully the present moment as deeply and richly as possible.

Home Retreat Program

Shinzen Young is offering introductory home-based Vipassana retreats through his website BasicMindfulness.com. These are retreats which you can do anywhere in the world as long as you have access to a phone with either a handsfree or speakerphone option. Previously, only those who had done a residential or non-residential in-person program with Shinzen could participate. He is now offering the intro program that will allow you to acquire the skills and languaging to do his other home-based retreat offerings. The next introductory series will be held in May. Check the web site linked above for details. I often participate in these home-based retreats myself and find them to be a good support for my daily practice. A listing of Shinzen’s residential and non-residential retreats can be found at Shinzen.org.

For those of you wishing to embark on the path of mindfulness meditation this is a good non-threatening way of receiving instruction from a wonderful teacher.

Deep Listening

At its core Mindfulness practice is really about deep engagement. Deep listening to ourselves internally, and externally to our environment. Quieting the body-mind so that we can be completely receptive to what is, rather than manipulating, misperceiving, adding to, or taking away from our present experience. I emphasize contact with the body often in these posts. Experiencing through the body the phenomena of our experience. Our body is what contacts the world and feels. Our mind interprets these experiences and organizes them; filtering them through our concepts and perceptual constructs that have come out of past experiences. If we can move away from our thoughts and actually have a direct experience of what is occurring now a wonderful thing can happen….we are completely present and it is deeply satisfying. It is fresh and real and now.

Often when we release our hold on thoughts, or trying to figure things out and concentrate on our direct experience through the body real wisdom can arise in the mind. Instead of ruminating on an experience genuine insight begins to develop and this often comes as fully formed ideas, or concepts. We know they are true because of a grounded feeling in the body that comes as they arise in the mind. In these times when wisdom and insight arise the body-mind is unified and working as one holistic system.

We can practice deep listening by concentrating on a specific area of the body, that feels like a safe place to inhabit. For some of us with trauma there are specific areas of the body that do not feel ok to be in. Choose a space that feels ok. The hands and the feet are my favorite body spaces to use.

Next, choose a simple activity that doesn’t require a ton of brainpower, such as sweeping the floor, or eating, or knitting, walking, etc. Set your intention to completely soak into the direct experience of that activity through your chosen body part. Listen deeply with the body to that experience. Feel the subtle movements and sensations that occur in your hands/feet/legs etc, whatever body space you have chosen, as you move and engage with that activity. If you feel yourself drawn into thought, fantasy, interpretation, analysis, etc…gently release that and come back to your chosen body space with your full awareness.

We want about 80% of our awareness in our chosen body space and 20% staying in contact with the whole body to facilitate movement and safety while engaging in our activity. Try to devote 10 or 20 minutes to this exercise. Practice this often and notice your experience. There can be a deep satisfaction and wisdom that develops out of this fully engaged embodiment.

What is this?

A useful question in day to day life. One of my meditation teachers often had us ask this question to ourselves once or twice a day, perhaps setting an alarm at random on our watch and engaging in this contemplative inquiry at that time the alarm rang.

When we ask ourselves ‘What is this?’ we are moving out of our assumptions about who we are and what we are doing int he world. It is an invitation to open the senses and feel, touch, hear, smell, taste the moment and the experience we are engaged in.

As you read this now, why not try? Close your eyes…breath….feel your body the myriad of physical and emotional sensations, the touch of our clothes against our skin, the sounds inside and out, opening with full awarness and receptivity to the nature of our experience. Beyond our concepts ‘I am walking, I am driving, I am reading the blog.’ These concepts are reductionistic and take away from the richness of our moment-to-moment experience.

A wonderful mindfulness practice in life is to ask yourself ‘What is this?’ throughout the day and deeply listen, feel, hear, touch, and see into your mind-body experience and into your encounters with the external world.

This practice is an invitation to experience your self and the world in the present. You might be surprised at what you find.

Lifeforce Energy

Some time ago I was working with anxiety in my meditation practice. I was at a time of transition, entering into a long term relationship in it’s beginning phases (exciting, but still somewhat stressful), juggling courses with working in my professional life and doing deep healing work on myself. These things added up to a lot of uneasiness and a low grade anxiety in day to day life. One day, when I happened to have a meeting with my meditation teacher, I was feeling particularly anxious and stressed. As was customary in these meetings we sat for a few minutes together at the beginning of our time together. I noticed the anxiety as a pulsating flow that originated in my heart center splashed out in vibratory waves over the rest of my body and dissipating out over my limbs before beginning again in a cycle that began at my heart. When I started speaking with D., my meditation teacher, I explained that I was feeling ‘anxiety’ during our sit. She asked about what i noticed and i explained the intense flowing and cascading energy I felt and how it was causing me to feel increasingly uneasy.

She gazed intently into my eyes and we sat in silence for a few moments. D. then said to me: : “That ‘anxiety’ is just your lifeforce energy.” I sat stunned for a moment. All of these years I had associated the feeling I was experiencing in that moment, particularly intense at that time and varying intensities throughout my life, as anxiety. It was my anxiety, it was bad and I had to get rid of it. I suddenly was crystal clear and sure that she was right and all these years i had made a major error in my view of what was going on. In the months that followed I began to notice that it was the thoughts that came with the feeling that were scary and uncomfortable. My aversion was mostly to these, but the feeling that I associated, or that co-occurred with these thoughts had been lumped into a general category of something bad and to be avoided. To think of this feeling as my ‘lifeforce energy’ completed changed how I related to it. Not only could I do nothing about this experience (if I wanted to remain alive :), but I wanted more lifeforce in my life I wanted to increase my energy and live fully with my energy. This was a major impulse and intention in my pursuit of spiritual practice. Though D.’s comment had woken me up to how I had conditioned myself to be afraid of this feeling.

This insight completely changed how I approached my so-called ‘anxiety.’ Two things happened. When this feeling came up I would no longer label it as anxiety I would approach it in a friendly way and soak my awareness into it. Internally I began to say ‘yes’ to this experience, whereas I had previously always tensed and said a fully embodied ‘no’ to it. Now I found that if I was aware of what was happening in my body I would begin allow my experience, it became an ok thing to feel.

The thoughts on the other hand were scary, things like ‘You can’t do this, It will be too much,’ ‘You’ll never meditate correctly,’ ‘This is all a waste of time.’ I am aware, looking at these now in writing these seem like overgeneralized statements and not particularly scary at all. However, if these thoughts circulate in our minds without our awareness and are accompanied by the energetic undulations of our lifeforce energy…this formed a fear strong enough to be registered as anxiety by me. Awareness of the thoughts begins to allow them to be just thoughts and lose their attachment to the high energy of lifeforce. In my experience as we concentrate more an more on the thoughts with concentration and awareness, as well as equanimity they start to lose all power.

The energy inside the body, the lifeforce energy can then be savored. We can soak into it’s movement and organic power. For me, this energy was thought to be too intense initially. However, by our total mindfulness and soaking in of our awareness into the lifeforce energy that arises we can in fact become acclimated and begin to integrate higher and higher levels of energy. In fact, by engaging in practices like meditation, Tai Chi, yoga, etc. we are in fact conditioning our body-mind to handle more and more of the lifeforce energy inside of us, and more and more it can arise unhindered as this conditioning occurs. Of course, we will have to work through our fear and ignorance to get to that place where we encounter the lifeforce energy. It is important to know that much of our fear is not because this feeling is actually dangerous, in fact quite the opposite. The thoughts have made an incorrect or ignorant assessment of the situation.

Underneath our fears and anxieties is a wellspring of energy that if opened to and allowed to be in our bodies can have healing and purifying effects. Forgive me if I’m being repetitive, but I ask that you begin to look at this in your own experience. Feel the feelings and think the thoughts of anxiety and look at the different elements of this experience with your mindful awareness and notice what you find. Be open. Challenge your assumptions about your experience.

Working with Anxiety

Most of us feel anxiety every day of our lives. Anxiety in small doses can be a healthy motivator and part of our daily performance in life. However, for many people anxiety reaches an intensity level around certain experiences and situations that prevents us from making the choices we want and engaging in activities that we wish to. Anxiety falls into the broad category of ‘Fear’ and is generally a constellation of feelings and thoughts around an upcoming situation. It is largely anticipatory, meaning that the fear and the fearful thoughts occur before the actual event/situation/circumstance that we are actual afraid of is taking place. If you have any question about this notice anxiety next time it comes up for you….is a fearful situation actually happening when you feel it or is the negative feeling/thoughts/sensatiosn occurring beforehand….? Please check this out in your experience.

Because anxiety is based on future events Mindfulness can be an antidote to this future-oriented fear. How? We have defined mindfulness practice as using our attention and concentration to be in the present with our moment-to-moment experience. If we are present in our bodies and thoughts then we cannot be anticipating or jumping ahead to future oriented events. Often our minds are conditioned to look towards the future and this disconnect from our present experience has alot to do with the unpleasant feelings in our body that come with anxiety. Our being is split…the mind is in the future and the body is in the present, this conflict brings about a sense of dis-ease.

From my own experiences with anxiety and my work with clients I have found that often the feeling of anxiety is much more accessible than the thoughts that go with the state of being anxious. I am often aware of a tightness in my chest, or a sinking feeling in my stomach, perhaps also a tightness in my throat or jaw. These are my first indications of anxiety….another good indicator is that nothing is happening in the moment to cause this fear. I am safe yet i am having these sensations and feelings that I associate with fear. Next I might go to the thoughts. I notice that I am telling myself a story…’the last time you did this they all laughed at you…’ That is a common story that runs through my mind before I do any kind of public speaking or teaching. There was a single incidence in my past of people laughing at me in 5th grade while i gave a presentation. Yet close to 30 years later the same story that was true one time, and has been untrue many other times still comes up.

Most of us have these stories, or as one of my former therapists called them ‘my tapes.’ Our tapes run almost all of the time and often shape our experiences in ways that we do not want. In this case, my story about performing was creating a feedback loop. First I would have the anxious feeling then the thoughts associated with the upcoming experience and that in turn intensified the feelings and so on…. With anxiety often a feedback loop is created between the thoughts and the feelings and each perpetuates the other; both phenomenon becoming stronger on each cycle. For some this experience escalates into a panic attack.

This feedback loop happens unconsciously for most of us and we do not recognize the thought or feeling component of this anxiety. Instead, because both the thoughts and the sensations are painful, we seek to push them away or banish them from our consciousness. Though the impulse to avoid pain is natural and very human it does not serve us in this circumstance. This avoidance tends to condition this feedback loop in an increasingly compelling pattern into our mental body, physical body, and emotional body. In other words it becomes a habit to feel anxious.

The answer to this is to start to pay attention to our experience of anxiety with as much awareness as possible. We want to approach our anxiety as a good old friend. To get to know its nuances and subtleties to let it know that even though it is unpleasant it is part of us, part of our experience and it is worth getting to know.

As said earlier, often the physical and emotional sensations in the body are the most easily accessible when anxiety is present. I have found that a very good strategy when feeling anxious is to direct our attention to the sensations of the anxiety. We use our awareness to surround the sensation, not penetrating it but finding its form and volume and surrounding it with our awareness allowing it to soak into the feeling. I often experience anxiety in my chest as a tightness, as if there was a clenched fist around my heart center. To encounter this anxiety I would surround the fist with my awareness feeling its details and being willing to know it, if even for a short time. You might even try saying silently to yourself ‘yes’ as you feel the sensations.

This strategy short circuits the feedback loop. First of all we are doing something different by not avoiding the experience. We are turning towards the anxiety rather than away from it. Instead of trying to feel something different or feel better we are just allowing ourselves to feel what is. This attitude of openness and acceptance characterized by the ‘yes’ is an affirmation to ourselves and an acceptance of our present experience.

By turning towards the feelings we are moving out of our future orientation and encountering the present in our bodies. As we become willing to connect to our moment-to-moment experience in our bodies we let go of the thoughts which are pushing us toward a future time or situation. By definition, our feelings occurring in our body are happening in the present. The thoughts of the future situation are about something that is a fantasy…we do not yet know what the future will bring.

The thoughts will keep occurring, but the important thing is to move our attention and concentration away from them and into our somatic experience. This creates mindfulness as we track and open to our sensations/feelings in the somatic body. Our thoughts are often compelling and we may have to move away from the the thoughts again and again.

The feelings may also be unpleasant. However, there is a rule with our feelings. They can only happen for a finite amount of time. They may grow weaker or stronger as we pay attention to them, but eventually they will pass away and we will feel something else. So instead of recreating these feelings in each moment by telling ourselves a fearful and future oriented story we are turning off the circuit by taking away the energy of our awareness and directing it instead to an experience of our bodies and our emotional energy in our bodies. Without being fed by fearful thoughts our energy in our bodies will move and change in response to the present. We will have an authentic experience of being rather than an inauthentic experience created by fearful fantasy.

This takes practice. I suggest you begin to notice if your anxiety works this way…and begin to have the intention of directing your attention and concentration to your bodily experience. Our body’s experience is generally related to our present experience. As we disconnect from the stories we tell our selves our bodies begin to regulate and experience feeling connected to what is going on in the present moment. Even if the present moment is not ideal there is a certain satisfaction and relaxation in connecting to what is rather than reacting to a fantasy. Trust your body to guide you in this.

Foundations of a Home Practice

The new year marks a natural new beginning and is a great time to begin to commit to a home practice of mindfulness meditation. A home practice cultivates some of the key elements of discipline and self-responsibility that can make us successful in integrating mindfulness practice as a lifelong practice. I’ve found for myself that once a routine is in place it is easier to maintain a meditation practice even when we ‘don’t feel like it.’ Being responsible for your own daily practice can be a challenge, but the potential rewards are immense: more relaxation in your life, compassion towards yourself and others, increased concentration, increased self-esteem, lower blood pressure to name a few….

Practice Environment

Setting up the external circumstances that support a daily practice are very important and can oftentimes keep us on track even when the internal environment doesn’t seem ideal for meditation. My first suggestions would be to find a space that can be devoted completely or primarily to practice. This can be a corner of a room, a walk in closet, or even an entire room if you have the space. I think it is important to mark this space in some way to indicate that it will be used for your practice. Many folks like to set up an altar of some kind perhaps putting objects that are important to you, or pictures of loved ones or those that inspire you.

A second concern would be to make sure that whatever you need to do a sitting meditation practice is available to you. This may be a meditation cushion(s) or chair, perhaps a blanket, or a timer if you use that in your practice.

Setting a Boundary

It is important to give yourself boundaries to manifest your practice, otherwise it will be difficult to stick to the routine. When I say boundaries I am specifically referring to elements of practice: how often, how long, over what period of time, and when.

How Often? Any meditation teacher will tell you that daily practice is the best for establishing mindfulness meditation. I think this may be the most important piece. Anyone who has tried to stick with any new program will tell you that sporadic practice of anything only makes it harder to stick with the program, so commit yourself to everyday meditation practice.

How long to practice? This depends on the individual. I think the time you spend sitting should be an amount that seems doable. For some of us this might be 5 minutes and for other 20+ minutes. It is important not to intimidate yourself, or cause a rebellion in the mind by setting unrealistic goals. What I often recommend to students is to start with less than you think you can do and to increase the time by 5 minutes every two weeks. Try this out. Zen master Charlotte Joko Beck recommends that we sit 15 minutes longer than we are used to once per week to observe the effects of this on our body/mind experience and our practice in general. In Zen this longer sits are often called ‘Strong Determination Sits.’

Over what period of time? Our lifetime of course. When I began meditation I committed myself to 3 months of daily practice. Making this period a finite goal really helped me in establishing this in my life and reduced it to a less imposing task. For me 3 months turned into 10+ years of almost everyday practice. (It’s important not to beat yourself up for missed practices, but to then get back on the horse again after the missed day or practice period.) Setting a goal of 1 to 3 months can be helpful at first.

When to practice? Traditionally the recommended times for practice are either just after waking or in the evening before bedtime. It is best to choose a time and stick with it. This helps build routine into your schedule and over time your body/mind comes to expect the practice allowing you to drop into a deeper state at the time you practice. Really the best time to practice is any time that you can maintain on a daily basis. If we practice at random we are really sabotaging our own practice, much better to commit to a time of day that will work for you most of the time. If you occasionally need to change this…life happens, but get back to the routine as much as you can.

I challenge you to begin your home practice.